


Möbius Strip

by Demi_Fae



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Dark Obi-Wan Kenobi, Gen, Horror, Jealousy, M/M, Mild Gore, Not A Happy Ending, Past Character Death, Possessive Behavior, Possessive Obi-Wan Kenobi, Psychological Horror, Somewhat graphic, Time Loop, again kind of, kind of?, well the characters are happy but you won't be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:54:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24959473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demi_Fae/pseuds/Demi_Fae
Summary: “I couldn’t have completely wiped your memory, there was too great a risk of taking away everything that made you, you- but I couldn’t let you keep thinking of her. So, what to do? Every week you’ve remembered, and every week it’s been the same story. Remember, reset. Remember, reset.” Obi-Wan snarled and shoved Anakin back, pushed into his space and brought their foreheads together. “I will live this week a thousand times over- I will find and destroy what makes you remember her. Because you, Anakin Skywalker- You are mine.”-Every week its the same story.If only Anakin could remember it.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker, Past Padme Amidala/Anakin Skywalker - Relationship
Comments: 24
Kudos: 116





	Möbius Strip

**Author's Note:**

> "The Möbius strip, also called the twisted cylinder, is a one-sided surface with no boundaries. It looks like an infinite loop. Like a normal loop, an ant crawling along it would never reach an end..." "[and] eventually returns to where he started. If we metaphorically interpret the ant, not as returning to a point in space, but a point in time, [the Möbius strip] alludes to time travel."
> 
> -[ Möbius Strips](https://brilliant.org/wiki/mobius-strips/)  
> -[The Physics of Avengers: Endgame](https://medium.com/@thomaswong_8663/the-physics-of-avengers-endgame-b96af65f7ee0)

Anakin woke up to feather-light touches on his skin. He turned to face the perpetrator and grinned. Obi-Wan Kenobi, his husband, smiled softly back down. He looked a little more worried than usual, but then again, he always did this time of year. 

“Hello, dear one,” Obi-Wan’s voice was still rough with sleep, despite having been up longer than Anakin. “Did you sleep alright?”

Anakin smirked. “There’s nowhere I could sleep safer,” he said. 

Obi-Wan stared at him for a minute, dumbfounded. In an incredulous voice he asked, “Did you seriously just quote a rom-com at me?”

“That depends on if you liked it or not.” Obi-Wan kept staring at Anakin until they both broke out into giggles. Anakin’s heart warmed. He knew this time of the year affected both of them, and that Obi-Wan was laughing with him was only a good sign. 

“Really, Anakin, tell me- Did you have any nightmares?” 

Anakin grinned and pulled Obi-Wan until they were chest to chest. Wrapping his hands around the shorter man and snuggling downward, Anakin replied, "No, I slept fine. Nothing out of the ordinary, I swear." Anakin hummed and pressed an ear to Obi-Wan's chest, marvelling at his beating heart. "What about you? I'm not the only one with bad memories this time of year…"

That was an understatement, on Anakin’s part. His own memories of the time surrounding his mother’s death were painful enough for him, but Obi-Wan had lost his own father figure around the same time as well. They joked about it, sometimes in light-hearted fun and other times through tears, that it was just another thing they had in common. 

Obi-Wan smiled softly and wrapped his arms around Anakin. “No bad memories could pierce the veil of love I hold for you, the only darkness in my heart is the monster that would escape were you ever to leave me,” he said dramatically. 

Anakin thunked his head against Obi-Wan’s chest. “You can’t make fun of me for quoting rom-coms when you choose the _worst_ line!” He complained. 

The two laid for a minute, basking in the glow of the morning sun and their love for each other. It was Anakin’s favorite way to start a morning. 

Too soon, they had to leave the comforts of their bed. They both had work, Anakin at his mechanic shop and Obi-Wan as a therapist, and while Anakin could afford to be late Obi-Wan couldn’t. Obi-Wan sighed and let Anakin go, rolling over. 

Anakin groaned and did the same, stretching and yawning on the side of the bed. He glanced behind him to see Obi-Wan standing up and staring, eyes shining. 

“What?” Anakin asked with a grin. 

“Nothing,” Obi-Wan said. “You’re beautiful.”

Anakin could feel his blush spreading down to his collarbone. “I thought we were getting ready to go,” he complained. 

Obi-Wan chuckled as he walked over to their dresser, pulling out his clothes for the day. “You’re the one still on the bed.” Anakin rolled his eyes and continued their banter as they went through their morning routines. Obi-Wan took a shower while Anakin brushed his teeth, and then switched so Anakin could take a shower while Obi-Wan trimmed his beard. They might have taken a shower together, but it would lead to _certain activities,_ which would inevitably delay them both. 

Anakin smirked as he leaned against the shower wall, remembering the last time that had happened. He’d been in the same position, only Obi-Wan had pinned him there as he’d sucked hickeys down his neck. They hadn’t rushed as Obi-Wan took him into his mouth, fingered him open slowly and-

“Anakin!” He jumped at the sound of Obi-Wan’s yell and almost slipped. “Are you almost done in there?” 

Anakin rolled his eyes and shivered as the water ran over his heated skin. “Almost!”

He came out of the shower to a fully dressed Obi-Wan with a raised eyebrow. “Good memories?” He purred. 

Anakin was suddenly very aware of the fact that he was only wearing a towel, and the eyes that followed the water dripping down his skin. “I-”

Before he could get another word out, Obi-Wan winked and turned heel, walking out of the door. “I-” Anakin blinked and looked over to his pile of clothes, then down at his erection. He sighed and grabbed his shirt. 

When Anakin came back downstairs, Obi-Wan was waiting with two steaming cups of coffee. While Obi-Wan generally preferred to drink tea, the caffeine hit he needed in the morning was his one exception. Anakin moaned as he drank, leaning up against Obi-Wan’s arm. Some days Anakin swore he could stay like that for hours, just standing in the quiet with Obi-Wan and sipping their coffee. Where they didn’t have to face the world or anyone else. 

“Ready to go?” Obi-Wan nudged him. 

Anakin buried his face into Obi-Wan’s shoulder and mumbled. “I think I should legally be allowed to take Mondays off, it’s not like Ahsoka needs me at the garage.”

“I think Ahsoka might disagree, and rather loudly,” Obi-Wan pointed out. Anakin groaned louder and tried to bury his face deeper. Obi-Wan nudged him again. 

“I get it, I get it, I’m going!” Anakin said as he made no move to leave. He could almost feel Obi-Wan rolling his eyes at him. Anakin could feel Obi-Wan shifting beneath him, setting his own coffee down on the countertop. He wrapped an arm around Anakin’ shoulders and shook him, then guided them to the living room. 

Obi-Wan plucked Anakin’s half-empty coffee from his hands and set it on a coaster. “Hey, I was drinking that!” Anakin complained. Obi-Wan looked over at Anakin to raise an eyebrow as if to ask ‘really?’ He looked away, mumbling an excuse. They both knew that while Anakin loved his coffee, he could rarely drink the entire cup in less than a half hour. 

Obi-Wan pushed Anakin off his shoulder, towards the direction of the door. He picked Anakin’s coffee cup back up to rinse out and set in the sink. “I don’t have to grab your shoes for you as well, do I?” He called out. 

“Well I don’t know, I am feeling pretty tired all of a sudden-” Anakin snickered as he bent over to pick up his boots. On second thought he grabbed Obi-Wan’s as well, and turned back to offer them to the man. Obi-Wan shot him a grateful look as they finished their morning routine together. 

Obi-Wan grabbed his keys off of the hook by the front door and tossed Anakin his, as Anakin held open the door for Obi-Wan to go through. 

“Have a great day at work,” Obi-Wan said after they were both on the porch and the door had been locked behind them. He grabbed Anakin’s arm to stop him from walking to his car and leaned in to give him a kiss. 

Anakin smiled and met him halfway. “You too,” he whispered. Anakin stayed on the porch as Obi-Wan left the driveway, waving as he disappeared down the street. 

The perfect start to a great day. He hoped that the rest of this week might stay that way.

* * *

“Skyguy!” Ahsoka called out when he walked into the shop. “Glad to see you’re on time, for once,” she smirked. 

Anakin rolled his eyes as he walked closer to ruffle her hair. The bright white and electric blue dreadlocks were Ahsoka’s pride and joy, and she rarely let anyone touch them. “Shut it, Snips.”

“Hey, I just got this dyed!” She snapped and fussed over them. Anakin was one of a very small number that Ahsoka would not immediately punch for going after her dreads, but she still didn’t enjoy him messing them up. 

Anakin laughed in response. “Didn’t you just get it done like, a week ago?” He asked as he made his way into the garage. 

“The blue was starting to fade!” She called back. 

“I’m sure!” Anakin yelled. Ahsoka might have tried to respond, but she was too far to hear. Anakin whistled as he saw the car in the room. The owner was clearly a rich man with expensive tastes but no idea how to care for his possessions. Or, as he usually just called them, a rich man. He flipped through the inforation on the chart Ahsoka had filled out. There wasn’t much, just that the owner had noticed the car had a few tics that shouldn’t exist in a brand new model. Alone they would have been no cause for concern, but together could mean that there was a more serioux, underlying issue. 

Anakin ran his hands appreciatively over the black hood. “Let’s see what’s wrong with you, huh?” He said as he popped her open. Anakin immediately lost himself in his work, grabbing the tools he needed and tinkering with the car’s insides. 

Before too long Anakin’s mind started to wander from what his hands were doing. He was just performing the routine check, for now, so he wasn’t too worried about messing anything up. He remembered beign in this same spot years ago, at his lowest point. Not this garage, the one he owned, but his old job. Back then Anakin couldn’t have imagined how happy he was going to be, with some of teh most important people in his life. He thought about that morning and Obi-Wan, and then about Ahsoka. Anakin smiled as he remembered meeting Obi-Wan, getting to know the man he’d eventually marry. He was only sad that his mother wasn’t here now, that she couldn’t see how happy he’d become and shared in some of the memories he’s made over the years. The sudden opening of the doors had him jumping, nearly flinging a tool at Ahsoka before he caught himself. 

“Woah there, Skyguy, it’s just me,” She held up her hands with a smile. She gestured to the car he was working on. “Figured anything out about ol’ Red-Four here?” 

Anakin rolled his eyes at Ahsoka’s naming conventions. He looked back to the _black_ car as he wiped off some of the grim ethat had accumulated on his hands. “I am not calling her that. Just- R4, yeah? And I was just giving her a checkup first, going through the basics,” he said. Anakin frowned as something came to him. “There’s nothing I can see that should be causing problems, though…”

“Though?” Ahsoka prompted when it was clear Anakin had lost his head in space again. 

“She seems familiar,” he replied. 

“Uh-huh. Are you sure you’re not getting her mixed up with some of the other cars you’ve fixed up?”

Anakin bit the inside of his lip and shook his head. “Nah, I don’t think so- It's just… I’m getting the feeling I know what’s wrong with her, you know?” 

Ahsoka rolled her eyes and nodded towards the entrance, walking backward towards it. “I actually really don’t, but you’re the mechanical genius here! Maybe you’ll be able to get her fixed up tonight, yeah?” She finished with a smile. 

“Yeah…” Ankain frowned to an empty room. He shook his head clear and turned back to the newly-named ‘R4’ before him. He let his hands take over, guided by muscle memory. They moved smoothly, not stuttering for a moment, as if they had done this motion a million times before. 

“What the?” Anakin asked himself as he ran the diagnostics again when he was finished. Everything had turned up perfectly normal, fixed by whatever gut feeling he’d had about the car. Anakin shook his head, clearing away his confusion. He’d had gut feelings before, and when he followed them he was usually correct. This might have been a more extreme case, but it was nothing out of the ordinary. _Besides,_ he thought as he made his way to the front desk, _if that was the most pressing case, then Ahsoka can’t say a thing about me bugging her._

* * *

Anakin was glad that when he finally got home, well after he usually did, that Obi-Wan had already queue’d up a movie for them to watch and was waiting on the couch. After Ahsoka had had enough with his whining (in her words), she’d kicked him to the back to actually do his job. There had been more than he’d thought had to be done, and he’d lost track of time. Ahsoka had told him when she’d left that his shift would be over soon, but after he waved her away no one had come to him when he was supposed to be done. As such Anakin had worked late, meaning he’d spend less time with Obi-Wan. 

Anakin toed off his shoes as he came through the door and hung up his keys. He shrugged off his jacket at Obi-Wan’s pointed look and left it over the back of a nearby chair. He collapsed next to Obi-Wan and tried to snuggle under the thick blankets covering his husband. 

Obi-Wan shrieked as Anakin did so, trying to push him away. “Anakin, not in your greasy clothes!”

Anakin laughed as Obi-Wan hit his face and moved in closer. “Oh, but I thought you liked that smell?” 

“Not enough to have it in my blankets!” Obi-Wan pulled the said objects into a bundle and huddled around them, glaring back at Anakin as if to dare him to even try. “Go take a shower.”

Anakin’s head fell back and he groaned, falling onto Obi-Wan’s hip. “But I took one of those this morning!” He exaggerated. 

“And you need another one!” Obi-Wan laughed. “Now go!” Anakin pouted as he climbed the stairs. 

Anakin arrived back downstairs a few minutes later, and Obi-Wan _graciously_ let him under the covers this time. The weight of Obi-Wan’s head against his shoulder was a familiar comfort to Anakin, and he wrapped an arm around Obi-Wan’s waist. Though it was Anakin’s turn to pick the movie Obi-Wan had just chosen due to him beign late. Anakin couldn’t help but laugh as the name of the movie played across the screen. “I thought you hated romance,” he teased. 

“I do, but it was your turn to pick and I knew you’d throw a fit if we didn’t,” Obi-Wan huffed. 

“Aw, you do love me!”

“I sure hope I do, seeing as I married you,” Obi-Wan snarked back. Anakin settled in to watch the movie, but even as much as he loved rom coms some were too cheesy for even him. 

“How did your day go?” Anakin asked. “I remember you saying that you had some sort of testing, for your project going one?”

“The same problem’s still bugging me, but I think this time I might have figured it out,” Obi-Wan said. Anakin could tell he was slightly relieved about the conversation, though he wouldn’t admit it. 

“The top-secret project you still can’t tell me about?” Anakin teased. 

“Yes, that one,” Obi-Wan laughed. He pulled Anakin in closer to his side. “I promise, you’ll be the first one to know when I finish it.”

“I better be, after all the times you’ve told me about it!” Anakin said. He laid his head down on top of Obi-Wan’s and shifted under the blanket so they could hold hands. Anakin stared at the screen as the two main characters, Harry and Elizabeth, as they met for the first time. Though they were both probably getting too old for it, they fell asleep like that. Wrapped up in each other, smiling softly, together.

* * *

Strange dreams were nothing new to Anakin, unfortunately. He’d been seeing a therapist, Dr. Windu, for them ever since they’d proved to impact a large part of his mental health. After years Anakin had finally been able to pass them off as nothing important, and they’d mainly faded from his life. Every year around the same time, however, they plagued him once again. This year was no different. 

Horribly vivid images flashed through his mind. A dark-haired woman smiling one second, face obscured as the sun rose behind her, then staring emptily into the distance with her neck at an unnatural angle. A bone sticking up through skin, orange flames covering his sight with dark shadows almost unseen passing behind. The sounds of crying and begging, his throat torn raw from smoke and ash and screaming and the absolute lack of any pain. If he shifted his head just slightly he could see a shattered mirror, and two small figures reflected hundreds of times in each shard, and his own eyes. Bloodshot, tears welling up, raw agony clearly visible. 

The worst part was the emotions. Terror filled every pore in his body, leaving a mark he could feel the next day, causing him to jump at the sightest of sounds. Desperation, so strong he could practically smell it. Anger at everything, choking him more than the smoke slowly filling his lungs. Hope. In the midst of everything else, he could still feel hope that someone might pull him up from the edge of the cliff he was hanging on. It was made all the worse when that hope was crushed ruthlessly, pushing him deeper into the sea of anger and fear. 

All of this, overlaid on top of each other. Scenes he couldn’t understand, memories that had never happened, emotions he’d never felt this strong. It felt like he was drowning, crushed, burning under the weight of his dreams. There was no escape. 

Anakin tensed as he woke up violently and fell to his knees, dry heaving. Obi-Wan was next to him a second later, stroking Anakin’s shoulder in a half hug to calm him down. He could feel all of the panic drain out of him at the comforting touch, and Anakin collapsed bonelessly onto his husband’s lap. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Obi-Wan asked softly. Anakin turned his head to avoid Obi-Wan’s eyes and shook his head. “...If you’re sure, darling,” he said worridly as he stroked Anakin’s hair. They sat like that for a while, Obi-Wan comforting him.

Anakin tried to calm himself down. These nightmares, visions, whatever they were called weren’t real. They would pass, they always would, but this felt much stronger than the previous years. 

“It was the woman again,” he spoke suddenly. Obi-Wan’s hand paused in its motions for a moment, then resumed. Anakin didn’t know why he said anything. It was always the woman, every year. She was the root of everything, he knew, but he didn’t know _why._ Anakin curled up as pain shot through his head. 

“Anakin, you know you’re not supposed to push,” Obi-Wan rebuked sharply. Despite his harsh tone, his hand was gentle. Anakin brought a hand up to his face to press down on his eyes. 

“I know, I just-” he cut himself off, frustrated. He’d always felt like there was a wall in his mind, blocking him off. Mace had told him it was most likely a response to the trauma of seeing his mother die, blocking off the painful events surrounding that misfortune. Anakin always felt like there was something more to it, however, that if he jsut reached out a little further and pushed a little harder, he might know everything he wante to. 

Obi-Wan disagreed. He thought that if Anakin’s memories were blocked, that there would be a reason for it- and he didn’t want Anakin to give himself brain damage. After the third time Anakin had passed out from the pain of pushing too hard, waking back up in the hospital with Obi-Wan holding his hand and crying… Anakin agreed to put it out of his mind, though he never could keep that promise very well. 

Obi-Wan already knew all of Anakin’s feelings on the subject, they’d talked about it before a few times. It still caused tensions between them, especially with both the anniversaries of their parents’ deaths so close. Anakin always had to stop himself before he could do anything, say anything he didn’t mean, but it was like fighting an uphill battle. It felt like no matter what he did, there would always be that little flame in him, fueled by his need to pick a fight, and it would only grow if he gave in. 

“I know,” Obi-Wan said softly. Anakin felt fingers on his chin, gently guiding him. Anakin let his hand fall away to meet Obi-Wan’s eyes. “Believe me, I know.” Anakin relaxed, knowing that Obi-Wan knew exactly what he meant without ever having to speak a word. They smiled at each other then; a sad, soft thing shared between two people with more sharp edges than round. 

Later, Obi-Wan would insist that Anakin stay home for the day, to recover. He’d say that Anakin had built up more than enough time off, which was true, and that Ahsoka and the other mechanics were more than capable of covering him for one day, which was also true. Obi-Wan might even try to push Anakin to take the rest of the week off, depending on how quickly he recovered. Anakin would give in at least for one day, knowing that even if he did go to work he wouldn’t get too much done, mind focused on other things. Anakin would stay home and alternate between trying to find things to keep his mind off of his nightmares and being unable to force himself to move. Obi-Wan would come back early from work, exhausted from burying himself in forms and tests to escape bad memories. Then they’d curl up on their bed, only for the same scene to repeat in the morning. Anakin knew, because that was the way this week had gone for years. 

But for now, they were both quiet, and they enjoyed the peace the night brought.

* * *

It seemed that this year was one where Obi-Wan had convinced him to not just take off one or two days, but the rest of the week. _It was better_ , Anakin admitted, _to calm down in his own home rather than the small bathroom at work, at least._ Just like the years before, Anain tried to lose himself in household projects. In the few days he’d been home so far, he fixed the leaky sink he’d promised to weeks ago, vacuumed, dusted, ran all of the laundry through the washer and dryer, even washed the dishes by hand, but he could avoid it no longer. He had to return the pan. 

Anakin sighed as he braced himself to talk to their elderly neighbor. Obi-Wan had borrowed a pan from Yoda a week or so ago, and now that Anakin was alone in the house with nothing to do for a few days it was the perfect time to actually return it. Anakin shuffled in front of Yoda’s door on his porch and stifled a groan. There was a reason he’d put off returning the pan for so long, and he was wishing he could avoid the conversation now. Yoda’s speech patterns were… strange, to say the least, and he never seemed to give a straight answer no matter how simple the question. 

Anakin balanced the pan on one arm while he raised the other to knock on the door. He half hoped that Yoda would be out running errands or something, despite the fact that he never seemed to leave the house. Anakin put his weight on one foot, then shifted it to the other and back again as he waited. He leaned back slightly and looked back at his and Obi-Wan’s house. It was possible that Yoda hadn’t heard the knock, so Anakin might be able to sneak back over and get through the front door so he could put this off for another week- but it was too late. Anakin forced a smile onto his lips as he saw the door opening. 

“Hey, Yoda, I’m sorry that it took us so long to bring your pan back, but-” Anakin started. He had to stop himself as the one who opened the door was clearly not their neighbor. The one who opened the door was of a similar height to Yoda, but this man was in his forties while Yoda was ancient. “I’m so sorry, I thought Yoda- Mr. Yoda- would answer the door, but we brought back his pan?”

Anakin smiled sheepishly as the man raised an eyebrow. He was conventionally attractive, Anakin supposed, though shorter than average. He was wearing clothes Anakin wouldn’t expect either, khaki pants and an oversized sweater, which would look more natural on his- grandfather, maybe? Anakin winced as he realized that he’d let the silence go on for far too long. “I’m- Anakin Skywalker, the neighbor from next door,” he finished lamely. 

The man held open the door for Anakin to come through and shuffled back into the house. “Remember you, I do, young Skywalker- Not that bad, my memory is yet not.” 

Anakin lunged to hold the edge of the door open before it could swing shut on him. He paused in shutting the door behind him fully as the man’s words sunk in. “I’m- sorry?” 

Yoda- or the one who said he was Yoda, anyway- sunk down into a chair with a grateful sigh. “Sorry you should be, for making me come open the door. Young I am not, anymore.”

Anakin held onto the pan as he glanced around the room. He’d been in here a few times, and yet he could never truly recall the scent of the swamp Yoda’s entire house seemed to smell like. There were no pictures of family members that he could see, no evidence of anyone who might try and visit him. 

“I’m just- I’m sorry, Yoda?” Anakin tried to wipe his head around the fact that their old neighbor now seemed to be a few years older than his husband. “Is this a prank?”

“A prank it is not! Returning my pan, were you?” Yoda pointed his walking stick in the direction of the kitchen. Anakin couldn’t help but hysterically notice that he hadn’t been using it to walk earlier. 

“But you’re so young!” Anakin blurted out. When Yoda didn’t respond Anakin could feel himself burning bright red, and tried to apologize. 

Yoda just cackled in response. “Try to flatter an old man, you do, young Skywalker? So forget I will, returning my pan late you are!” 

Anakin found himself dazedly setting Yoda’s pan down on the counter in the kitchen and wandering closer to Yoda’s chair. “I- hey!” Anakin yelped as Yoda’s stick hit him on the shins. “What’d you do that for?”

“Returned the pan you have, now return home you must!” Yoda insisted. Anakin glared at the old- young?- troll. “You didn’t have to hit me,” he muttered as he walked out the door, Yoda cackling behind him once more. Anakin couldn’t even find it in himself to be offended by the shin hits or the almost-rude behavior. Yoda trying to rush Anakin out of his house quickly wasn’t anything new, but his appearance certainly was. There was no logical thing Anakin could think of for his neighbor suddenly de-ageing fifty years. Anakin’s stomach seemed to be trying yoga, for all that it was twisted in knots. He was grateful that his house was next door, as it at least provided him the opportunity to speak with Obi-Wan right away. 

As he entered the house and stood in the doorway to his own kitchen, Anakin bit his lip and looked around. Everything here was familiar, at least, though Yoda had been too. Nothing seemed off at first glance, but he couldn’t be sure everything was the same. Obi-Wan at least looked unaffected. He was standing before the sink, washing dishes in the evening light. The sleeves on his white dress shirt were rolled up and his hair was the same shade it always was. 

“Hey, Obi-Wan, you remember Yoda from next door, right? Our neighbor?” Anakin asked nervously. He rubbed his left arm with his right, which would have immediately told Obi-Wan something was truly bothering Anakin had he been looking. As it was Anakin was glad that Obi-Wan’s attention was elsewhere. 

“Yes, the one who speaks with the backwards grammar,” Obi-Wan replied. He set down the plate he’d been washing to dry and picked up another. “We have tea every month, you know that.”

“Yeah, so anyway I went to go return his pan- the one you borrowed- but when I went over there it wasn’t Yoda who answered the door.”

Obi-Wan shrugged, his back still facing Anakin. “Was it a relative of his, then?” Anakin groaned and let his face fall in his hands. He took a deep breath in and lifted his head back up, pushing back his hair. 

“No, it wasn’t his relative- It was Yoda!” 

Obi-Wan stilled and turned around to face Anakin with a confused look on his face. “So it wasn’t Yoda who answered the door, it was Yoda?”

Anakin rubbed his head as he felt another incoming headache. “No, I mean- you’re gonna think I’m crazy.”

Obi-Wan absently dried his hands with a towel and walked over to Anakin. He set one hand on Anakin’s shoulder and the other gently on his cheek. “Anakin, you’re starting to worry me,” he said. 

“I’m just- I think I’m starting to go crazy,” Anakin admitted. “When I went over there Yoda looked way too young to be our neighbor, but he had the same accent! And he said all the things he normally would- even hit me with his walking stick!” 

Anakin’s breath started to come faster and faster. Obi-Wan’s hands on his face, grounding him, stopped him from truly going into a panic but it wasn’t enough to calm him. “I just- don’t understand how I could clearly remember Yoda as being an ancient troll, but then he’s not much older than you are!” Anakin’s final words climbed into a shout. 

Obi-Wan grabbed his face with both hands and brought their foreheads together, so Anakin would stare into his eyes. It helped, a little, to see concern and worry there so plainly, as well as love and determination. “That nightmare must have been worse than we thought,” he said softly, almost an afterthought. 

Anakin sighed. “It wasn’t that bad, really-” he tried to say, but cut himself off at Obi-Wan’s glare. “Fine, it wasn’t great.”

“It might be time to book another appointment with Dr. Windu, then,” Obi-Wan brought up. Anakin groaned at the thought of booking another appointment with his therapist- Mace had indu helped him through a lot and knew him better than almost anyone besides Obi-Wan, but Anakin wasn’t sure they’d ever truly get along. They were civil, but not friends. “Friday, maybe?” Obi-Wan suggested. 

Anakin rolled his eyes and nodded, then leaned in for a kiss. “Friday,” he confirmed. He had a few projects that could keep his mind off of things until then, anyway.

* * *

Friday itself seemed to spell out disaster for Anakin. He’d woken up from his nightmares and immediately begun dry heaving, as was his usual. _And to think I hoped this week would be different,_ he thought to himself acidicly. 

When Anakin had made his way downstairs to make him and Obi-Wan their coffee, he couldn’t find their mugs. When he’s asked Obi-Wan about it he’d gotten a strange look and a reply that they'd never had the mugs Anakin described, that they never existed. It was the Yoda situation all over again, and Anakin would have screamed if he’d thought it would do anything. Then R2 had sprung a leak overnight, meaning that Anakin had to drive Obi-Wan’s car instead of his to his appointment. 

_That at least went well- not._ Anakin knew that it was a combination of leftover nerves and sleep deprivation from the nightmares, but he couldn’t help but think Mace was behaving oddly that day. They’d almost reverted back to their early-session days, when Anakin hadn’t trusted anyone and Mace was a stressed therapist assigned to another patient. They’d become closer, but in one hour, it seemed like years of not-quite friendship had been poured down the drain. 

And now, to top it all off, the song he’d been listening to had turned to static. “Fuck,” he hissed as he switched stations. Anakin jabbed at the control and frowned deeper as every station he turned to played the same thing. “What the-” 

“Anakin?” He jerked and looked around at the road. There were a few cars parked in driveways, but most everyone was at school or work. There was no one outside to see him or talk , so where-

A voice broke through the static. “Anakin?” He stared at it for a moment, breathing heavily. He turned his eyes back to the road, barely inching along at this point. Anakin laughed to himself with panic rising in his chest. And of course, today would be the day he started hearing voices too. He tried turning off the radio, so he at least wouldn’t have to listen to the background noise of static, but it wouldn’t turn off. 

Anakin’s vision doubled as he pulled over. Images, tastes, sounds, smells flitted through his brain. The dark-haired woman, two toddlers, the taste of freshly-baked cookies, laughter, hands on his arm, the smell of fire. The road before him was clear, it was the middle of the day- no it was late at night- there were so many cars- people were yelling- there was no one around-

“Stop!” He screamed, clutching at his head. “STOP!” And it all cleared. 

“Anakin?” 

Anakin’s head snapped to the passenger seat. The woman was sitting there- she looked concerned- why was she worried?- There wasn’t- he wasn’t-

“Padmé?”

“Are you alright?” She reached out to touch his arm. He tried to flinch back, but it was like he wasn’t in control of his body. 

“Yeah, it was just a long day at work,” he heard a voice say distantly. It was him, he realized a moment later. 

Padmé raised an eyebrow. “Alright, if you’re sure,” she said. “But let me know if you want to switch, I know the twins wore you out today.” 

_Twins? There aren’t any-_ Anakin looked up to the rearview mirror, and smiled at the two sleeping toddlers in their car seats. “Oh, they’re little monsters alright,” he replied with a soft voice and a smile. 

Padmé laughed and slapped his arm. “I wonder who they got that from!” Anakin grinned back and moved his foot from the brake as the stoplight turned green. _Nonononono- you can’t there won’t be there can’tcan’tcan’tcan’tcan’t-_

He noticed the other car a split second too late. A red minivan, barrelling down the center lane. Time froze as it connected with his own R2. He knew he should feel pain as his body was whipped around and tossed from the force of the hit, but he was numb. All he could do was stare at his wife, and the blood running down her cheek. At her neck. 

“Padmé?” He croaked. Anakin tried to reach out a hand to wipe off the liquid, but he couldn’t move his hand. “Padmé?” 

Anakin took a shuddering breath in, and then another, then one more. There was fire. 

“Padmé, you’re gonna be alright, just listen to me- Luke! Luke, Leia! Baby, please, can you hear me?” His voice cracked. He couldn’t twist around enough to see their faces, and the mirror was cracked and broken. Why couldn’t he move _what was going on whathadhappened-_ “Please, Luke- Leia…” 

He gasped as tears trickled down- up?- his face. There was fire- and what was that smell-

“You’re gonne be alright, just listen to my voice- listen to daddy-”

There was fire. 

There wasn’t anyone around. 

Anakin guided the car back onto the road with shaking hands and drove the last few blocks home. 

Obi-Wan was there when he arrived, sitting on their couch like it seemed he always was. He set down his tea and looked up from the magazine he was reading. “Anakin?” He asked with a smile. 

Anakin couldn’t stop himself from flinching at the sound of his own name. Obi-Wan’s voice wasn’t anything like the woman’s- like Padmé’s- but it was too soon for him to be reminded of that scene. 

“Are you alright?” Obi-wan asked him with a concerned look. Anakin swallowed a sob and shook his head. Obi-Wan stood up and walked over to Anakin. He collapsed a second after Obi-Wan wrapped his arms around Anakin, both of them sinking to the ground. 

“I- I-” Anakin took in shuddering breaths. He tried to slow his breathing, to calm down, but the car crash kept flashing before his eyes. He laughed bitterly as he thought of the saying ‘like watching a car crash in slow motion’. He’d just experienced one, which had killed- who was she again? Anakin let out a soft groan and squeezed his eyes as a bolt of pain shot through his skull. 

Anakin didn’t know how long they sat there, Anakin curled up in Obi-Wan’s embrace. All he knew was that when he came to with Obi-Wan rocking him gently and talking, he was safe. 

“Are you with me, Anakin?” Obi-Wan asked. After Anakin nodded into his chest and curled tighter, he asked, “Can you stand?” Anakin hesitated for a moment before shaking his head. 

“That’s alright,” Obi-Wan shushed. “You’re okay, it’s alright,” he kept murmuring as he picked Anakin up. He let out a soft grunt and carried him over to the couch. Obi-Wan carefully sat back down, spreading his legs so Anakin could comfortably rest between them. Anakin didn’t let go the entire time, shifting so his face was pressed into Obi-Wan’s neck and his arms around his torso. 

“Do you think you can talk about what happened now?” Obi-Wan asked a few minutes later. Anakin tightened his hold reflexively, thinking about the crash and the toddlers and the fire and the _smell-_

He felt a hand rub his back soothingly and relaxed under the touch. “I-” he coughed, then swallowed. “I don’t know what it was, just… I was driving home, back here, and the radio started fritzing and then I heard a voice and then there was a _crash…”_

Obi-Wan didn’t stop rubbing his back the entire time, but he tightened his hug around the younger man. Anakin could feel his heartbeat in his ribcage, his breaths becoming too fast once again. “But then it was gone, and there was no one,” Anakin finished quietly. He wasn’t sure Obi-Wan had heard him at all until he responded. 

“Anakin, are you sure that it wasn’t real? That it was all in your head?” He asked carefully.

Anakin’s hands clenched in Obi-Wan’s shirt. _How could he ask that?_ He leaned back to glared up at his husband. “Yes, Obi-Wan, I’m pretty damn sure that it was all in my head,” he hissed. “I wasn’t actually in a _fucking car crash,_ in case you didn’t notice!”

“I know, I know Anakin, but I had to make sure,” he responded. Anakin collapsed back into his husband’s arms, the anger draining out of him. 

“She just… It all seemed so real,” Anakin whispered.

“She?”

Anakin nodded. “The woman- the one from my dreams- she was there.”

A light touch appeared on Anakin’s face, gently lifting it up. “Anakin, please look at me,” Obi-Wan said. Anakin stared up into Obi-Wan’s eyes. They seemed sad, resigned but still with a small spark of hope. “Those are just dreams, they pass in time.”

“I know that,” Anakin said and frowned. He felt like if he just reached out a little further in his mind, he’d just know- He shook his head to clear away the beginnings of a migraine, unintentionally shaking Obi-Wan’s hand off. “But it all seemed so real…” 

“It will, Anakin, but you have to let go of it, you can’t push yourself too hard-” Anakin stretched out, tapping a wall in his mind. For a second everything hung in silence before it shattered. 

Pain enveloped every bit of his being. He felt like he was on fire, but he couldn’t feel his limbs- his head was in pure agony, thoughts rushing by too fast to comprehend, and he tried to grip anything so as to not get lost in the flood. He didn’t know if he screamed but his jaw was clenched too tightly to move. He couldn’t do anything but try not to succumb to the darkness inching in on him, to hold on to the light, but eventually he failed at that too. 

He fell.

* * *

“Dr. Kenobi?” Anakin groaned and rubbed at his head. When he opened his eyes they were staring over someone’s shoulder. Realizing who it probably was, Anakin scrambled to get out of the man’s lap, apologizing all the while. “Oh god, Obi-Wan, I’m so sorry, I-” Anakin froze as he finally met the eyes of the other man. “Obi-Wan?”

Obi-Wan looked- heartbroken. It wasn’t a look Anakin had seen very often, just once when they had had the worst fight of their marriage, and a few times when Obi-Wan thought Anakin wasn’t looking. It was here, now on his face though- “What are you doing here?”

“I’m so, so sorry dear one,” Obi-Wan replied with his voice catching in his throat. 

Anakin looked around wildly. “No, wait, I was just at- Dr. Kenobi, my therapist, he-” Anakin shook his head violently. “No, what-”

“Anakin-” Obi-Wan started to reach for his shoulder. That movement, that tone- it was so familiar-

Anakin saw layers upon layers of memory of that exact move. Obi-Wan and him in the car, at the movies, at work, in the dining room, the living room, the park, the backyard- all of the same exact movement that he had since forgotten, since been forced to forget-

Anakin and all his other selves flinched back before Obi-Wan could touch him. Obi-Wan paused with his hand out, stopped, and very deliberately laid his hand back down in his lap. “I’m sorry,” he finished. 

“What did you do?” Anakin asked, horrified, once he had gained control over his voice. “Obi-Wan, what did you do?”

Obi-Wan looked away from Anakin’s face and visibly steadied himself. He turned back to Anakin with determination in his eyes, overshadowing something darker. 

“Anakin, you were never meant to be here, with me. You were my patient, you trusted me- I was your closest friend, and I knew all your secrets. Your therapist.”

There was a sick feeling growing in Anakin’s stomach. “No, but- No-” but Obi-Wan continued to talk over him. 

“I fell in love.” A bitter laugh. “And how could I not? You were- you _are_ so beautiful, Anakin, and you trusted me more than anyone. Even more than your wife, Padmé- and I loved you more than she did.”

“Obi-Wan, _what did you do.”_

Obi-Wan’s steady gaze met Anakin’s. “I couldn’t let you go- couldn’t let her keep you. I started playing with your meds, mixing them up- to get you to stay here. With me.”

Obi-Wan sighed and closed his eyes. “One night, the meds… Didn’t help as planned. They- deadened your reflexes, slowed them down enough that you couldn’t react to slam on the brakes. Another driver, running the red light.” Anakin felt like there was a rock caught in his throat. “There was a car crash- Padmé died. Along with-” Here, Obi-Wan truly hesitated for the first time. “Along with Luke and Leia. Your twins.”

Anakin felt his heart shatter, irrevocably. Here was the man he had fallen in love with- but no. The man who had fallen in love with him, who had forced him to reciprocate. Who had killed those three in his life who truly mattered. Anakin covered his mouth with a hand to hold back a sob. Tears were forming in his eyes as he wanted so desperately to believe Obi-Wan was lying, but he knew that he wasn’t. 

“So, where- where am I now? It isn’t... It’s not real, is it?” He asked when he could feel the will to do so again. It couldn’t be real, no- Ahsoka would never act like Padmé and the twins had never existed, there were others in his life who would have done something. 

Obi-Wan smiled proudly and spread out his arms. “My greatest invention. A simulation of my own making- It builds up the world using memories from the patient’s own mind, creates stories and puzzles for them to heal, or…” He cast a significant look at Anakin. “Or it can make them forget, and live a new life.”

Something about that speech- about that phrase, struck a chord in Anakin’s memory and he groaned. Anakin’s head felt like it was splitting in half. He had- _years_ of memories, of growing up and falling in love with Padmé, of losing his arm, of sessions with Obi-Wan. Over the top of all of that, written over his true life: the time he had spent with Obi-Wan, falling in love with him. Then, months of memories of the same exact day. This one. He feelt like a shell, a doll- his life a story made up by a madman. He froze in realization, tensed up where he was standing. A wave of anger washed over him, fueling his every word. “How long, Obi-Wan?”

Obi-Wan didn’t look surprised at all, rather looked like he expected the question. “What do you mean, Anakin?”

“You know what I mean!” He snarled. “How long have I been trapped here, at your whim- How many times have you reset my memory for ‘the perfect life’?” 

“Anakin…” Obi-Wan looked regretful, though Anakin doubted it was for keeping him locked here. Anakin wanted to turn away, to run, but his feet wouldn’t move him any farther from the other man. Instead, he ran a half-hysterical hand through his hair. Obi-Wan closed his eyes and started to speak again. His words were mechanical, as if they were just lines he was reciting. _They are,_ Anakin’s mind reminded him. 

“The crash caused Luke and Leia to die on impact, though Padmé was likely alive for a few minutes. You were badly hurt, but still conscious when the ambulances showed up. Several witnesses reported that they thought you had gone crazy, you were calling out… Trying to comfort the twins, your wife.” Obi-Wan leaned back slightly. “You flatlined a few times on the way to the hospital, lost your remaining limbs... Some of your sanity, but you were alive.” Obi-Wan laughed here, but Anakin just felt cold all over. 

“You were in a coma for weeks. Only distant relatives, close friends- and me. It took a long time, but eventually I was able to have you transferred into my care, to test- well, this. Ahsoka and Rex were running out of options, so when I offered them this chance- however slight it might be, that you would wake up- they jumped on it.” Obi-Wan paused and made a thoughtful face. “It’s been… roughly ten years, since then.”

The walls were closing in on Anakin. He had missed- ten years? His vision was swimming, he couldn’t concentrate- He swayed on his feet to the rhythm of his heartbeat. Obi-Wan had stolen ten years of his life, trapping him in this dollhouse world to try and- what? Love him? Make Anakin love him? Anakin wanted to crawl out of his own skin. _But it’s not really yours, is it?_ It was synthetic, a simulation like everything else was. Anakin stumbled back, finally able to move, only to collapse into a chair. 

Obi-Wan either didn’t notice Anakin’s struggle, or likely, didn’t care if he was paying attention. He just kept talking. “There wasn’t anything to stop me from making this, then. The others would never know that you weren’t going to wake up, and they wouldn’t pull the plug, not if there was still the slightest chance you could recover.” Obi-Wan stared into Anakin’s glazed eyes and shrugged. “So, I wrote over your life. I realized that it would be infinitely easier to just… change bits of your memory and live here than it would be to do anything in the ‘real world’.” 

Obi-Wan’s face darkened, and for the first time, Anakin was terrified. Before he was scared, yes, and angry even more so, but he had never known such a heart-stopping horror before. He knew what was coming. 

“But you- Oh, Anakin, your mind was too strong. Everything was perfect, but one day…” He scowled even harder. “ _She_ had to go and ruin it.” Obi-Wan spat the word out like it tasted foul in his mouth. “One day, something set you off- you saw her, and you started to remember _everything.”_

Obi-Wan pushed himself angrily out of his seat to pace the floor. Anakin couldn’t move a muscle. Even if his fear hadn’t frozen him, he was sure that he couldn’t have escaped Obi-Wan. This was, after all, his invention- he controlled everything, evidently even Anakin’s ‘own’ body. A small sob escaped him, and before Anakin, Obi-Wan whirled around to face him. 

Obi-Wan visibly melted at the sounds of Anakin’s distress. He came over to where Anakin was seated and knelt before him, brushed off a tear. Even as his brain screamed at Anakin to not trust this man, the one who had stolen and betrayed him, Anakin was comforted. Even if none of it had truly been real, he had spent years with this man, and his touch calmed Anakin’s racing heart as easily as it had set it off. 

“I couldn’t lose you, Anakin,” Obi-Wan’s eyes searched Anakin’s own, the deep pools reflecting his terror. Obi-Wan oh-so-gently brought his hands forward to cup Anakin’s face. “I can’t lose you. So when you started remembering… I had to reset your memory.”

One of Obi-Wan’s hands moved back to tighten in Anakin’s hair posessively. It pulled on the strands, forcing Anakin to keep looking at Obi-Wan as he stood. “I couldn’t have completely wiped your memory, there was too great a risk of taking away everything that made you, you- but I couldn’t let you keep thinking of _her._ So, what to do? Every week you’ve remembered, and every week it’s been the same story. Remember, reset. Remember, reset.” Obi-Wan snarled and shoved Anakin back, pushed into his space and brought their foreheads together. “I will live this week a thousand times over- I will find and destroy what makes you remember her. Because you, Anakin Skywalker- You are _mine.”_

“How could you?” Anakin’s voice was hoarse. “You- you claim to love me? Then how could you _experiment_ on me- You killed my wife! My kids! Just so you could-” Anger Anakin didn’t know he could still feel rose up. He snarled up at Obi-Wan, trying anything to get a rise out of the man. Trying to make him hurt as much as Anakin did. “You’re nothing but a kidnapper, a disgusting slaver playing with my life like you have any claim to it at all.”

Obi-Wan just sighed and murmured, “Why do I even try? You never listen.” Then, louder. “One day, Anakin. This is all for you, for us- and one day, we’ll move past this. We’ll be together, and nothing will get in the way of that.”

Obi-Wan rose and turned, heading straight for the door. Too late, Anakin realized where he was going. Though he half expected it, Anakin panicked when he couldn’t move out of the chair. A bolt of terror ran through him. No matter what, Anakin couldn’t let himself be reset again. He had to do anything to stop Obi-Wan, anything to stop him from forgetting Padmé and Luke and Leia again. 

“No!” Anakin shouted. “Please, Obi-Wan, you don’t have to do this! We can work something out, there has to be some way-”

Obi-Wan turned in the doorway of their house. It seemed like a dream when they had come into it the first time. They had been newlyweds, giggling and pushing each other through the same door before making out on every surface available. Now the same scene was a nightmare. 

“You’ve tried that before, Anakin. You won’t give up trying to leave, you almost did- I can’t let you run away like that again.” Obi-Wan shook his head, the sun lighting him up like a halo- a bastardized version of an angel. “This is for you, Anakin. This time, I’ll get it right”

Then he left. 

“Obi-Wan! No, please- come back, you don’t- please-”

But he never came back. 

He never did. 

(He said that every time.)

* * *

Anakin woke up to feather-light touches on his skin. He turned to face the perpetrator and grinned. Obi-Wan Kenobi, his husband, smiled softly back down. He looked a little more worried than usual, but then again, he always did this time of year. 

“Hello, dear one,” Obi-Wan’s voice was still rough with sleep, despite having been up longer than Anakin. “Did you sleep alright?”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry? (no I'm not.) Ngl, I think this is one of my favorite things I've ever written, entirely because of that last scene. It was the first thing I wrote for this, and I just love it. I wish I could've come up with more scenes so there's more of a 'slow descent into madness' going on, but oh well!  
> Please also let me know if there are any mistakes or misspellings, because it was another 4 am edit kind of night. 
> 
> Things that didn't make it in but I did think about while writing this:  
> -Obi-Wan, Rex, and Ahsoka are all pretty close friends, and they don't think anything fishy is going on, though they do think that Obi-Wan is trying so hard because he has a crush on Anakin. They're letting it go, for now, but if Anakin ever wakes up they're getting him a different therapist.  
> -Obi-Wan still works irl, just kinda downloads his consciousness into the simulation? Think Ready Player One or the Eye of Minds. Once Anakin goes to work he's back in the real world, though Anakin's texts/calls still go through to his phone.  
> -Mace is a therapist in the real world and is Obi-Wan's coworker, and Yoda is his actual neighbor. They're not in on the whole thing, but Obi-Wan knows them really well so he used their likeness in the simulation.  
> -Obi-Wan's constant wiping/tinkering of Anakin's memory is slowly changing Anakin's personality. This is an actual thing I thought of before even writing down the outline for this story, but now I am also going to point at it if anyone says that Anakin seems off. (This is also why Anakin calms down so fast after getting angry, and especially when Obi-Wan touches him.)  
> -I liked where I ended it and I have no plans on continuing this, but I imagine that Anakin one day just breaks and is actually basically just Obi-Wan's doll, or he turns Vader and escapes.
> 
> You can yell at me on tumblr at [rynae-reblogs!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/rynae-reblogs)


End file.
